Becoming the Woman You Already Are

What are you normally doing at 2:00 PM on a Sunday afternoon?

I ask because that is usually where real change actually happens. It doesn’t always happen in big, cinematic movie moments. It happens in the small, ordinary decision of what you choose to do with an average afternoon. 

• Do you answer the text you don’t really want to answer?
• Do you leave room in your schedule for nothing in particular?
• Do you keep doing the thing you know isn’t it anymore, just because it’s familiar?

I’m thinking about the word “becoming.” We hear it everywhere: becoming more confident, becoming more authentic, becoming someone who finally trusts her gut. But what I’m finding, both in my own life and in my coaching work is that most of the time, we already know exactly who that woman is.

We aren’t trying to invent some new, improved, shiny version of ourselves. We already know what we want, what we are completely done tolerating, and what feels like true alignment versus what feels like a slow, soul-crushing compromise.

The hard part isn’t finding her. It’s giving ourselves permission to actually live like her, even in tiny ways, starting right now.

You can know something for years before you’re ready to act on it

I was an optometrist for twenty years. I genuinely loved the work. Everything about it – the patient care, running the practice, the people. But there was something percolating underneath. I always knew, somewhere deep down, that this wasn’t my upper limit. Eventhough I was grateful for everything that career provided, I knew there was something more waiting for me.

Still, I wasn’t ready to leave. Not for a very long time.

And that is exactly the point I want to make: you can carry a true, clear knowing inside you for months, even years, before it feels safe enough to act on. That doesn’t mean the knowing isn’t real. It just means the timing isn’t there yet. I think that’s just what happens.

If you’ve been sitting with something you already know, but you haven’t moved on it yet, you are not behind. You are just in the middle part. And it’s still an important part of the process.

The gap between knowing and doing

Here is where it gets interesting: I can journal for twenty minutes in the morning about how I’m feelings, about wanting to be kinder and more compassionate toward myself, and still agree to a plan five minutes later that doesn’t align one bit with what I deeply want.

Knowing something and living it are not the exact same thing. And the space between them is where the actual work happens.

For me, that sometimes shows up on an ordinary Saturday. My version of a perfect day looks like a beach walk in the morning, lounging by the pool in the afternoon, and dinner with close friends at night. When a text comes in that tries to pull me somewhere else, somewhere that will drain my energy for sure, I think the goal isn’t to be perfect and always say no. It’s to notice when I’ve drifted out of alignment, and bring myself back a little closer next time.

That is it. That is most of the work. Noticing, and coming back.

One small thing

I live in a Victorian house with a wraparound porch, and one of the things that makes me genuinely happy is sitting out there in a rocking chair with a book. For a long time, I just didn’t make time for it. I filled my days with work and other distractions instead because work felt more productive, more justified.

Now, I set a non-negotiable goal every day: twenty minutes on the porch, in the rocking chair, with my book.

It sounds small, almost silly. But it isn’t. It means I value something I love enough to actually make physical room for it. That is a completely different way of living than the one where everything gets postponed until it is “earned.”

So, my question for you this week: what is your version of the porch?

What is one small thing – twenty minutes, once a day – that would mean you are actually living like the woman you already know you are, instead of saving her for later?

This is most of what coaching actually is

People sometimes think coaching means setting massive goals and plotting five-year plans. Honestly, a lot of the real work is so much smaller than that.

It’s helping someone notice the gap between what they are doing and what they actually want – at 2:00 PM on an ordinary Sunday, in the tiny decisions that don’t look like much on their own but slowly add up to an entire life.

You don’t need to become someone new. You just need permission to start living like the woman you already are, one small choice at a time.

If that is where you find yourself right now, I would love to talk. Book a discovery call and let’s figure out what your version of the porch looks like.

P.S. You can hear the full breakdown of this concept on the latest episode of the See Her Now podcast.