The Tao Te Ching Verse 13: Remaining True to Yourself

Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash Verse 13 of the Tao Te Ching. Remaining true to yourself

Throughout life, we’re continually impacted by the words, energy, and actions of others. Unknowingly we begin to measure our self-worth by comparing ourselves to people we know – and sometimes don’t even know at all! (I’m guilty of this at times!!)

While some of this messaging may be helpful, it often leads us astray from our true path. The Tao Te Ching Verse 13 offers guidance on staying true to ourselves and teaches the importance of trusting our inner voice.

In this piece, we’ll delve deeper into the wisdom of this Verse and learn how to apply it to our daily lives.

Tao Te Ching Verse 13:

Here is Dr. Wayne Dyer’s interpretation of Verse 13:

“Favor and disgrace seem alarming.

High status dramatically afflicts your person.

Why are favor and disgrace alarming?

Seeking favor is degrading:

alarming when it is gotten,

alarming when it is lost.

Why does high status greatly afflict your person?

The reason we have a lot of trouble

is that we have selves.

If we had no selves,

what trouble would we have?

Man’s true self is eternal,

yet he thinks, I am this body and will soon die.

If we have no body, what calamities can we have?

One who sees himself as everything

is fit to be guardian of the world.

One who loves himself as everyone

is fit to be teacher of the world.”

 

The overarching theme of Verse 13:

The Verse begins by reminding us how we can lose our center. When we place our value upon the opinions of others, we lose sight of our truth. We then risk making decisions that don’t align with our core values. In Verse 13, Lao Tzu encourages us to tune into our inner voice, even when it feels uncomfortable or we face opposition from others.
 
Verse 13 of the Tao Te Ching reminds us that we are all unique individuals, and what works for each person varies. By staying true to our path, we give ourselves a chance to find true happiness and fulfillment. In doing so, we inspire others to do the same.
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Suffer great heartache. Lose favor. There is a great calamity. Scare of great misfortune. Lessons from Tao Te Ching Chapter 13.

Our ego, or false self, leads us to frustration and heartache.

“The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge, and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often also political, nationalistic, racial, religious, and other collective identifications. None of these is you.” – Eckhart Tolle

Perhaps no other Verse in the Tao Te Ching refers more to the ego. Our ego, or false sense of self, is fragile, reactive, and labile. It becomes conflated when we attain the approval we seek. And it becomes distraught when faced with disapproval.
While in the grip of the ego, it’s tough to feel settled and on even ground. We’re either soaring high or hovering low. In moments of quiet reflection, we realize that we’ve become our own worst enemies. Our falsely constructed self – so dependent on external validation – is incapable of experiencing lasting peace. And it is running our lives!

Tao Te Ching Chapter 13. Rank bodes great heartache. Favor bodes disgrace. Personal conditions are very reason for craving favor. Afraid of being in a low position.

The Tao Te Ching Verse 13 teaches us that validation and praise offer only short-lived happiness.

Wayne Dyer states, “If you gain approval, you’ll become a slave to outside messages of praise—someone else’s opinion will be directing your life.”

These words hit home.

We can spend our entire lives focused on achieving a particular level of status. And yet, when that status comes along, we’re vulnerable. Ironically, we may feel an underlying anxiety. This is because we know, on some level, how transient it all is.
I sometimes wonder if that’s what’s happening when I see so many young influencers struggling with depression and addiction. Even though they’ve achieved their goals, they now have to maintain their status. This creates an enormous amount of pressure.
For tips on how to step away from seeking outward approval, read about Dr. Becky here.

Great anxiety alike bad. Criticism triggers your own person. Disgrace alike. Heartache remains. Favour and disgrace. Both are equally bad.

Criticism and negative comparisons trigger us even more!

There’s a famous quote that says, “What other people think of you is none of your business.”
Practicing this in real life is easier said than done! But still, if we go back to the fragility of our egos, as discussed above, we can see that it’s true.
 
The person judging you is also driven by their ego. And your response to their words comes from your ego. The cycle keeps repeating itself over and over.
Wayne Dyer also says, “If you gain disfavor, you’ll push even harder to change their minds, and you’ll still be directed by forces outside yourself.”
 
When vulnerable to criticism, we give our power away. We tell ourselves that others’ opinions mean more than our own. The only way to peace is to let go. We can not change how others feel about us.
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Woman seeking validation. Feels the whole world needs to appreciate her. Afraid her own person isn't enough.

This superficial mentality impacts how we interact with others.

“As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships, you either want or fear something from the other person.” – Eckhart Tolle.

We may place others on a pedestal when we see them as somehow superior to us. Unfortunately, this removes any chance of building an honest, intimate relationship. And when we see others as beneath us, we achieve the same outcome. We miss out on the chance to connect with someone who may play a meaningful role in our lives.

The Tao Te Ching Chapter 13 teaches us that we must value our own self. Enjoy the good fortune of being your own person, in your own body.

The Tao Te Ching Verse 13 urges us to connect with the timeless essence of who we are. And to embrace our uniqueness fully.

The Tao Te Ching Verse 13 urges us to step beyond our superficial minds and to discover a place of inner peace and stillness.

Stephen Mitchell says:

“See the world as yourself.
Have faith in the way things are.
Love the world as yourself;
then you can care for all things.”

Verse 13 encourages us to let go of external focus and to ‘just be ourselves.’

On the surface, this might sound cliché. But there is a deeper meaning. We fear judgment when we place too much importance on what others think. And we start to act in ways that are not true to our nature simply because we want to please them and to avoid criticism.
It also discusses the burden of putting yourself ahead of others. This does not mean we should disregard the needs and feelings of others. Instead, we should not sacrifice our integrity and values to please others. Sometimes, we might need to say no or stand up for ourselves, even if it means disappointing someone else. This is not selfishness but rather self-respect.
We are free from fear and self-doubt when we are content to be ourselves and don’t compare or compete. And we no longer feel the need to impress others or prove ourselves. We can focus on our growth and well-being without being distracted by external validation.
 
In this space, we can discover the freedom we seek.

So, how can you apply this Verse 13 of the Tao Te Ching to your life? Here are some tips:

1. Reflect on your values and priorities: Take time to think about what matters to you. What are your core values? What brings you joy and fulfillment? Knowing these things will help you stay true to yourself, even when others might disapprove.

2. Let go of comparison: Comparison is the thief of joy, they say. Whenever you feel the urge to compare yourself to others, remind yourself that you are unique and have your path to follow. Focus on your progress and growth rather than constantly trying to measure up to others.

3. Practice self-compassion: Making mistakes and having flaws is okay. Allow yourself to be imperfect and forgive yourself when you fall short of your expectations. Self-compassion will help you stay motivated and resilient.

4. Surround yourself with supportive people: People who respect and encourage you can make a big difference in your confidence and self-worth. Seek friends and family members who lift you up and celebrate your uniqueness!

5. Embrace simplicity: Let go of attachments to material possessions and societal expectations and focus on what truly matters. We create more space for reflection and self-discovery when we simplify our lives. We become more in tune with our needs and desires and can make decisions based on what truly brings us joy and fulfillment.

6. Remain in the present moment: The Verse also suggests that we should focus on the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. When fully present, we are more in touch with our inner voice and can make decisions that align with our highest selves.

7. Celebrate and honor your unique self: Dabble with creative outlets. Give yourself space to explore more of who you truly are. Envision a golden boundary surrounding you that allows you to be in the world without taking in energy from others around you. Commit to staying true to yourself.

Conclusion:

“There is only one you, and that is your power.” – Dave Grohl.

Practicing the teachings of Verse 13 of the Tao Te Ching can be a powerful tool in your journey of self-discovery and authenticity. By focusing on your values and letting go of external validation, you can find true fulfillment and peace of mind. You deserve to live a life that is true to your nature and purpose, and the world needs your unique voice and gifts!

So, what do you think? Let me know in the comments below!

🌸Thanks for Reading

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8 Comments

  3. This is such a wonderful article! I try to do things to mak myself happy and not to get validation from others but still many a times find myself going off my motto and looking for external approval! Just what we all need to understand we need not worry about what others think!

  5. Thank you for your writings on Verse 13. I needed this today; was rejected from a job opportunity after flying high on my confidences for years. I am feeling the fragility of my ego and how, when it is hurt, it desires more validation from others, or it fears more hurt from others. Your writing and the Tao Te Chang reminds me that I can cultivate a stronger, more resilient self, more peaceful and simple center.

    • Hi Ben,
      I’m so grateful to hear that this story helped you! I find the timeless wisdom of the Tao to be so comforting, and turn to it when I need it most. Please stay true to you, always.

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